Honestly thinking (& rethinking) about God, the universe, and everything in between

Category: Humor

The Amazing Polarizer Translator™!

Do you feel like whenever you make a comment in public or on social media people completely misunderstand what you are saying?

Are you tired of the same endless arguments that go in circles because no one can ever see eye to eye? Are you concerned about the increasing polarization in our society?

Do you wish you could understand where other people are coming from when they seem to have come from a different planet (or even universe)?

Have we got the solution for you!

Introducing the AMAZING POLARIZER TRANSLATOR!

Working for hours on end, scientists from Honestly Thinking Labs have developed a special device for being able to translate precisely what the heck the person on the polar opposite side of the social, cultural or political spectrum may actually be thinking.

Operation of the device is simple. All you have to do is plug in a potential polarizing phrase and our instrumentation, through a series of intricate, patented (and even magical) formulas, will return two results:

  • The first will be a translation of the Intended Meaning of the communicator of the message (the IM).
  • The second will be a translation of what a person on the Polar Opposite side of the spectrum may actually hear instead (the PO).

As an example, we input the below phrase into the PT device and received the enlightening results that follow:

Phrase: “My favorite pizza is pineapple and ham.”
IM: “The tangy taste of tomato combined with the exquisite flavor of ham and the succulent sweetness of pineapple on a delectable cheese crusted bread makes for the most pleasurable of fine dining experiences.”
PO: “I like slimy worms on my pizza.”

This product is not yet available for market, but once it is you’ll want to act FAST!

Below are additional sample inputs to help whet your appetite for this most amazing time-saving (and potentially life-saving) device**: Continue reading

Hillary and Trump: Why We Love and Hate Them

Hillary and Trump

The word has been out for quite some time,

they’re the most hated candidates yet.

With everyone pleading we must choose

whomever provides the littlest threat.

 

Hillary or Trump are the two that rose to the top

and now give us such a scare.

But at some point we’ll all have to admit

it was us who put them there.

 

But how could that be when we dislike them so much

as we try to think and delve.

The truth is out there for all to see;

they’re just further extensions of ourselves. Continue reading

One Big Potty Mess

Photo by Mike Mozart

Photo by Mike Mozart

Sorry to dump this on you.  Perhaps you may even feel this is a waste of time.

The subject has become a bit draining after all and is sometimes defecalt to discuss.  Yet I feel like I can stall on this topic no more and that it’s my absolute duty to bring it up…

…because many people feel like our nation is going down the toilet.  The divisiveness over the issue at the very least runs deep.

Butt if you don’t chuckle just a little bit at the thought of it, I think urine denial about just how plumb silly the whole things sounds.

One of our biggest national conversations right now is…over where we should pee and poop. Continue reading

True Story: The Case of the Missing Groom

Waiting_Bride_at_the_New_Orleans_Museum_of_Art

Everyone has one of those stories: the kind of strange, true-life events you tell at a party that people find hard to believe.  This is mine.

Though I confess some of the specific details over the years have escaped me, I assure you the story itself is real.

Back in the 90’s I worked as a freelance cameraman for a company that videotaped weddings.  One weekend my fellow freelancer David and I set out for what we thought would be a typical day of: capture the bride and groom individually getting ready, front and back camera setup for the ceremony, tape the photography session without getting in the still photographers’ way (or on their nerves because you’re taking away from their business), capture the bride and groom entering the reception, first dance, cutting the cake, interviews with sometimes obnoxiously drunk people congratulating the bride and groom, and get the final moments of people pelting them with rice or bird seed and watching them drive off.

In and out…boom…we’re done.  I hate to admit it, but what was often a very special day for some was pretty formulaic for us.

But this day was different. Continue reading

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