The Amazing Polarizer Translator™!

Do you feel like whenever you make a comment in public or on social media people completely misunderstand what you are saying?

Are you tired of the same endless arguments that go in circles because no one can ever see eye to eye? Are you concerned about the increasing polarization in our society?

Do you wish you could understand where other people are coming from when they seem to have come from a different planet (or even universe)?

Have we got the solution for you!

Introducing the AMAZING POLARIZER TRANSLATOR™!

Working for hours on end, scientists from Honestly Thinking Labs have developed a special device for being able to translate precisely what the heck the person on the polar opposite side of the social, cultural or political spectrum may actually be thinking.

Operation of the device is simple. All you have to do is plug in a potential polarizing phrase and our instrumentation, through a series of intricate, patented (and even magical) formulas, will return two results:

• The first will be a translation of the Intended Meaning of the communicator of the message (the IM).
• The second will be a translation of what a person on the Polar Opposite side of the spectrum may actually hear instead (the PO).

As an example, we input the below phrase into the PT device and received the enlightening results that follow:

Phrase: “My favorite pizza is pineapple and ham.”

IM: “The tangy taste of tomato combined with the exquisite flavor of ham and the succulent sweetness of pineapple on a delectable cheese crusted bread makes for the most pleasurable of fine dining experiences.”

PO: “I like slimy worms on my pizza.”

This product is not yet available for market, but once it is you’ll want to act FAST!

Below are additional sample inputs to help whet your appetite for this most amazing time-saving (and potentially life-saving) device**:

**(Please be sure to read all important DISCLAIMERS at the end of this advertisement).

Phrase: “Wear a mask!”

IM: “I have known (or lost) loved ones who have suffered from this terrible disease and know others who are at great risk. I know it doesn’t stop the disease but if everyone would do their part it will at least help reduce the chances, even if just a little bit, of my loved ones getting hurt.”

PO: “I am part of the deep-state and I want me, along with the government, to be in complete control of every aspect of your life.”

Phrase: “I have a right not to wear a mask!”

IM: “Aside from there not being sufficient scientific evidence that wearing masks does any good (and may actually cause more harm), I have deep concerns about government intrusion over the most personal choices in our lives – which historically has proven to be far more dangerous than any disease.”

PO: “I’m looking out for A #1 me, even if it means other people die.”

Phrase: “Black lives matter.”

IM: “Not only did my ancestors suffer great oppression, but as a black person even today I have witnessed and experienced enough situations that have made me feel ‘less than’ simply because of the color of my skin. I just want to feel safer and know that society values my worth.”

PO: “Black folks are more supreme than white people. Therefore, I support Marxist systems that will destroy freedom as we know it, putting black people in power and punishing all the whites for their sins and the sins of their ancestors.”

Phrase: “Stop saying black lives matter. All lives matter.”

IM: “I believe all people have value and worth. Therefore, I get concerned about any expressions that focus on one group over another. I want ALL people to know they are loved.

PO: “Black lives don’t matter.”

Phrase: “Defund the Police”

IM: “Police departments are overextended in their responsibilities. As an act of fiscal responsibility, I support the reallocation of funds toward other more effective social services that will build safer communities and help prevent crime in the first place, while allowing police to specifically narrow their focus toward violent crimes.”

PO: “Get rid of police and let anarchy reign!”

Phrase: “Blue lives matter”

IM: “Police Officers willingly risk their lives every single day in order to keep us all safer. It is a strenuous job that often requires split second life or death decisions and keeps their families at home continually worried for them. Yes, there are a few bad officers, but we need to support all the good ones and let them know they are valued.”

PO: “Black lives don’t matter.”

Phrase: ”LGBTQ+ pride”

IM: “As a member of the LGBTQ+ community I have had feelings my whole life that I can’t simply make ‘go away’ or even ‘pray away’ no matter how hard I’ve personally tried, but society has continually shamed me for those thoughts which are so much a part of who I am, and has told me that God will have nothing to do with me. By expressing pride, I am trying to rebuild and reclaim my sense of worth and value as a human being.”

PO: “The bible is a sham and I’m proud of flying in the face of God with a promiscuous lifestyle, hoping your children will follow my lead.”

Phrase: “Love the sinner, hate the sin”

IM: “As a member of the Christian community I love everyone regardless of any sin in their life because Christ first loved me while I was yet a sinner. At the same time, I recognize the powerful destructiveness of sin on one’s own life. It is precisely because I love you that I hate anything that would cause harm to you, including homosexual acts which the Bible tells me can hurt you and your relationship with God.”

PO: “Because I’m a Christian I will tell you out of one side of my mouth that I love you, but if you identify with being gay, I really still hate you.”

Phrase: “My body, my choice.”

IM: “As a woman, I am already subjected to sexual harassment and/or abuse, and am constantly having to work twice as hard to prove my value in the workplace. If I ever find myself with an unplanned pregnancy, I will be mercilessly shamed for it (despite it being a two-person act) and will face insurmountable obstacles that threaten my entire future. I am not somebody’s property and, therefore, must fight just to survive by insisting on my bodily autonomy – my life depends on it.”

PO: “I’m looking out for A #1 me, even if it means babies die.”

Phrase: “Abortion is murder.”

IM: “To me there is no difference between a newly conceived child, a newborn baby and a two-year-old; all are valuable and worth protecting. As a civil society, we must seek to protect our most vulnerable and, therefore, must call abortion for what it is: the taking of a human life.”

PO: “I don’t care one bit about you or your circumstances. If you resorted to abortion, you are the lowest of lows and worthy of condemnation.”

Phrase: “Fight for social justice.”

IM: “There are so many marginalized people who are suffering and victimized due to circumstances and systems beyond their control. Because I love them and want them to know they have value, I will do everything I can to fight for them and help to find new opportunity and hope.”

PO: “I want to instate Communism in America.”

Phrase: “Make America great again.”

IM: “I want America to return to a time when there was greater peace and unity, when everyone loved their country, where there was free expression of ideas, when everyone had opportunity, when faith was a cornerstone of our culture, and all life was considered precious.”

PO: “I want to reinstate white male supremacy in America – to return to a peaceful time when blacks and other minorities stayed out of our neighborhoods, when gays stayed hidden in the shadows for fear of their lives, and when women knew their place.”

These are just a few samples of what this miraculous translator can do.

If you would like to see additional samplings please feel free to submit your phrases in the comments section below and, for a limited time only, our operators who are standing by will run them through the system and return to you more astounding translations. 

But you must act FAST! You don’t want to miss out on this incredible opportunity!

PRODUCT DISCLAIMERS: Results are translations only and not intended to be a reflection of the views of any of the staff of Honestly Thinking Labs or its products. Individual results may vary. Odds of being able to translate your specific interpretations are 1 in 7,799,758,324 (or current Earth population). The Amazing Polarizer Translator™ should not be used as a weapon. Potential side effects for use as a weapon could include: more divisiveness, endless arguments, unfriending, anxiety, greater polarization, and sometimes death. Children should use this product under adult supervision only. Adults who behave like children should use this product under real adult supervision only. Adults who behave like children after using this product should stop using the product immediately and seek professional help. Product should not be used as a substitute for real conversation. Product may be used as an aid to real conversation. Real conversation, including openness, empathy and authentic listening could result in the following: unity, actual solutions, deeper friendships, greater peace, occasionally changed hearts and minds, and even saved lives. This product and advertisement are for entertainment purposes only. Previous line is there simply so we don’t get sued. Because some of this stuff is really quite serious. Seriously. Because we really need to start listening to each other and giving people value. Previous line is there as an over-explanatory line in case you didn’t get the point of the whole post. Be sure to check with your doctor, or friends, or pastor before combining this product with other solutions. Combining this product with arrogance, ad hominem attack, straw man, red herring, or other fallacy arguments are likely to have adverse effects. Taking a dose of humility in combination with the product is likely to increase positive results. Product should not be stored at extremely high TEMPERatures, nor in frigid conditions. The Amazing Polarizer Translator™ cannot be found in stores. Once released, product can be found wherever polarizing translators are sold. No exchanges or refunds.